Where can you always find money?

In the dictionary!

Did ya think I was going to reveal some secret money making discovery? Sorry, unfortunately I have no such wisdom to pass along. I just thought it would make a great attention grabbing title, relevant to my story. If you've made it this far then I guess it worked. lol

After many many years of Matt working 1 1/2 jobs, leaving the house about 6:30 am and not getting home till 6:00 pm, 5 days a week, we made the decision to let the 1/2 time position go in the interest of having him more "available" to our family. He's always completely exhausted by the time he gets back to us in the evenings and the weekends are spent recouping and recharging for the next long haul, not leaving much mental or physical energy for the needs of our young and active family. It's been a decision a long time in the making, and even though decisions affecting the reduction in available funds are always difficult ones we feel it was absolutely the right one.

The biggest quandary our new financial paradigm creates for our family is the money for private education is not going to be available next year. That's a big problem for us because we're really not comfortable with the class size, curriculum content, and achievement test focus of the public school system which really only leaves us with the option of homeschooling. While I'm entirely willing to take this road if we feel it's the right one for our family, it's not really something I'm chomping at the bits to do.

I do make a bit of money at the various and sundry jobs I keep myself busy with, but it's never been anything much that we count on for day to day living. They are more of the self funding variety. Teaching Zumba basically covers the cost of my licensing fees and allows me to get my exercise for free, no gym membership required. Neher Confection is still at the point that any "profit" needs to go back into the business to keep the growth chart moving in the upward direction. Now, the money I make teaching Bradley could possibly be enough to cover tuition costs if I had enough couples throughout the year, but it's not something we feel we could rely on enough to write checks against for a whole school year. We are not now and never have been a "write it in faith" kind of family. To us, that's just presuming on the future and asking for trouble and embarrassment. So, we have been uncomfortably parked at the intersection of "homeschool" & "If enough Bradley money comes in". I'm a planner, and not so great with the "be still and know I am God" stuff. So, every time I start to feel my chest twist up from the what-ifs I take a deep breath and whisper a weak but heartfelt prayer,

"I trust you Lord, no matter what...no matter what."

I was supposed to have a Bradley class start 2 weeks ago and had several couples interested. It looked like it was a certainty, and I was feeling very hopeful about using that money for next years schooling.

And then it all fell through.

People's schedules weren't meshing, childcare wasn't working, their money had become unavailable, etc, and I had to cancel the class. I was a little more than distraught. Once again my heart faintly uttered a whisper,

"...no matter what."

I tried to stay in that place. That place of rest. That place of not knowing and being ok. That place of trust.

And then a few days later...the class is back on again.

When I hung up the phone with couple #3 this afternoon I looked up to the ceiling, closed my eyes and whispered a different heart prayer, with soft tears rolling off my lashes,

"thank you.....thank you"

The amount of this class alone will not be enough, but this is how my God interacts with me, softly, gently, not necessarily exactly what I'm asking for, but always in the direction of stronger faith. As I whispered to Him he responded in kind, and I heard His voice in the wind, not the earthquake.

"Lord I believe, help my unbelief, and no matter what....I trust you."