I Am Not Alone

"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord my refuge, 

that I may tell of all Your works."

Psalm 73:28

God's timing can sometimes feel frustrating in our limited view of the big picture when He's not moving as quickly as we would like him to. Other times He whispers in our hearts with the gentlest of voices just what we need to hear in the stillness. And then there are other times He rushes in with a great and powerful swell of love and comfort in the midst of a terrible storm that's threatening to overtake us.

After sharing An Extravert With Depression I sat down to have lunch and found myself in the throws of a full blow panic attack; racing heart, flushed face, dizzy head, labored breathing, tingling hands, nauseous stomach, flashing lights in my peripherals, cold skin, sweaty forehead. Even though I knew what was happening it never makes it any easier. It's a scary thing to bare your soul, the dark, secret places, to those around you. My emotions were raw from opening up my heart and sometimes when you clean a wound, it's really really painful. I texted my Mom and asked her to pray for me. I turned on my Praise & Worship Pandora station, pushed my plate of food away and laid my head on the table to ride out the storm. "I am safe. I am loved. I am safe. I am loved." And then He rushed in.

I Am Not Alone

When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as Your own

You're my strength
You're my defender
You're my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You've always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul

 

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

I had never heard the song before but it was like God himself was standing at my dining room table, wrapping His arms around me and singing words of life, healing and hope into the depths of my pain. I began sobbing without restraint and when my tears were spent I put the song on repeat and let it wash over me again and again and again.

I don't know why depression is part of my story, but for what it might be worth to someone else in the midst of the struggle I am choosing to "tell of all His works" along my journey.

We are safe. We are loved and we are not alone.