The Best Gift That Almost Wasn't

I grew up in a very musical family, but the only instrument I've ever played is my voice. So when Bre wanted to learn to play the piano and our budget didn't allow for piano lessons I decided that I would have to do it myself, even if that meant learning right along with her, and I am pleased to say that it has been fabulous. I got her a book and we started at the beginning. She picked it up rather quickly and it had been an absolute joy to see her fall in love with making music. We were able to have some family over the other night and she gave her first recital of all the Christmas carols she had learned. I was as proud as a peacock.

 

Well, the last time the kids and I went to TN they had a blast making music on Mimmi and Meemaws pianos, guitar, banjo and bass fiddle. Mimmi told Bre that I needed to buy her a ukulele SO, ever since then she has talked about little else. A ukulele was the top item on her Christmas list and to be honest I DID NOT want to buy her one. My reasoning was purely selfish in nature; I was already teaching her to play the piano, something I already don't feel entirely equipped to do, and I didn't want to be responsible for learning another instrument so that I could turn around and teach her how to play it. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. I had decided she would not be getting ukulele. She would just have to deal with it, and be satisfied with playing the piano. Until Christmas was 3 days away, and all of a sudden my selfishness began to give way to the realization that she would be utterly crushed if she didn't get the one thing she asked for AND, I thought, what better gift could I give my children than the gift of music, especially if that's what they really want??? So, Matt and I headed into Rochester that evening and bought her a purple, diamond head, ukulele. As I clutched the plum hued instrument on the way home, my reservations quickly gave way to excitement of the big day approaching, and the impending reaction of complete and total joy sure to be on her face. I was not mistaken.

(She looses track of the melody line when she sings and plays at the same time, but she hits the chords right on.)

I'm so very glad I didn't let my stubbornness stop me from fulfilling my little musicians wish list, and I must admit that I've fallen in love myself with this tiny little instrument and have been taking great delight in how quickly I've been able to make music with it. I find it interesting how providing opportunities for my children to further themselves in music has spurred me in my own pursuit of the art, and I don't intend to put an end to my journey or theirs from here on out. We're already talking about getting Wes a drum set for his birthday in a couple months (maybe an electronic set with volume control lol). My ultimate goal for myself has become playing my non vocal instruments with the praise and worship bands at church some day. So, as a step in that direction I thought it would be fun to learn a song on the uke especially for this extra special day of the year.

4 Things My Dog Taught Me About Parenting

Our German Shorthair Pointer rescue of 3 years, Hooch

AKC

The German Shorthaired Pointer thrives as part of an active family.

Wikipedia

GSPs have a lot of energy and if not given the right amount of attention, can become bored and destructive.

Dog Breed Info Center

Happy-go-lucky, it loves nothing more than to engage in some type of constructive activity with its owners.

 The GSP will not listen if it senses that it is stronger minded than its owner, however it will also not respond well to harsh discipline.

Exercise is of paramount importance for these tireless, energetic animals. They are more than a match for even the most active family

Yep that pretty much sums up our Hooch boy, the energizer bunny in 4 legged form with a bottomless love and play tank, who considers himself a perfectly acceptable size for a lap dog.

About 6 months ago I decided to join a Facebook group dedicated to German Shorthair pointers in an effort to hopefully learn how to better control this unstoppable, 40lbs of bored fur that has been masticating through objects carelessly left on the floor quicker than The Flash with fleas since the day we brought him home. The group taught me SO much about the breed as well as the humans that are owned by them and, it was remarkable what a little bit of knowledge and a touch of understanding did to the condition of my heart toward our unstoppable pooch.

In a moment of canine reflection a couple months ago I was attempting to summarize Hooch's characteristics into a lump phrase and this is what I came up with (I'm getting to the parenting bit in a moment I promise, so hang with me);

...through the roof constant energy, needs a lot of stimulation and exercise, a love and play tank that's NEVER full, hates being alone, want's to constantly touch you but can't sit still, can't handle not being the center of attention........

And something began to slowly dawn in the corners of my brain.  

That sounds very familiar. Who does that remind me of? Bre has constant energy. Bre needs lots of stimulation and exercise. Her love and play tank are NEVER EVER full. She's always despised being alone. She loves to be all over you yet can't sit still while she does it. The center of attention is her gravitational axis.... Oh my goodness! My daughter and our dog are exactly the same!!!!

And that led me to another thought,

Could parenting the GSP personality be the same whether it appears on 2 legs or 4?

I have come to find that in many instances the answer is most definitely yes.

#1 - Through the roof constant energy needs a steady stream of varied mental and physical stimulation. 90% of the time, if my dog or my daughter are getting into some kind of trouble it's because they're bored and need something constructive to do; games, toys, physical exertion, etc. This requires me as the parent to either be proactive in making sure there are things to do OR being willing to stop what I'm doing at that moment and provide the stimulation they need for as long as they need it.

#2 - Bottomless love tanks can only be filled with one thing, time. I have to be intentional about giving physical love to them and not waiting till they come to me already running on empty. I have to give head kisses as I walk around the table to put my dishes away. I have to offer back scratches as we pass in the hallway. I have to provide soft words of affection as we cross paths in the stairwell. Unmet love needs = unwanted negative behavior.

#3 - GSP personalities are NOT kennel or latch and key beings. While 24/7 companionship and interaction is not humanly possible, extended solitude can feel worse than death for this temperament. As a parent I can only do and be so much so, play dates with others and something to occupy their mind during small chunks of alone time are an absolute must.

#4 - GSP natures are not meant to be motionless. They're just not. So, I've learned to decline much of anything requiring extended periods of stillness (which is much shorter for GSP's than the rest of the civilized world lol). If I don't try and force them to be someone they're not, every one's lives are much easier.

So now, instead of getting frustrated with these powerful GSP traits demanding to be addressed on a millisecond basis, day in and day out, by keeping these 4 Hooch hound lessons in mind I'm better motivated to parent all my babies, fur or otherwise, much more effectively.

Goobye Neher Confection

Letting go is really hard, especially when it makes you feel like a fool and a failure. 

Letting go is hard even though your heart of hearts knows it's right. 

Letting go is hard because you can get comfortable with one unknown and be scared of the unknown that's now ahead of you.

Letting go is hard because it can feel strangely sorrowful and relieving at the same time.

I knew this day was coming when we made the choice back in may to homeschool. I knew it was coming but that doesn't make it any easier. You know how when someone is going to jump out from behind something to scare you, and you know they're there, and it still scares the crap out of you anyway. BOO! Yeah, kinda like that.

The final decision was kind of made for me, by the big B word...our budget.

Matt recently started taking the bus to and from work so that we could take the money saved on gas and put it towards our nest egg that has been sorely neglected up to this point in our lives. So, I sat down last night to update out budget accordingly and figure out how much we would need to schedule for automatic withdraw (because the less to remember the better). Come to find out Matt's take home has been reduced due to insurance hikes and our surplus of almost $200 is now actually only $15 and change. OUCH! Now let me just say that I'm dearly grateful we still find ourselves in the black but that buck five ain't going to help us furnish our golden years. So we either bring in more money or scale back...again. Within the past year we've realized the immense value of our time against a dollar and have no desire to trade the former for the latter any more than we have to. So, it was back to the chopping block for the budget and the only thing left that could be trimmed was the monthly fees of maintaining my licensing and website. Matt very loving looked at me and gently said, "I guess you'll just have to decide if it's worth it." And even before the last word left his kissable lips I already knew the answer was a resounding no. The fees to keep Neher Confection "open" when I'm not even pursuing it, now or in the foreseeable future, it is NOT worth the money we'll need to live on in our old age.

So, this evening I began the process of canceling accounts, closing pages and terminating websites. I'm sad. My heart hurts. I'm embarrassed. I've cried a little bit, and I can't seem to stop sighing. Nothing on pandora seems to fit my mood, and I ate a bowl of maple sugar frosted shredded wheat to console myself.

People have said "It's ok. You'll pick it back up later." but I don't know that I will. I've learned some things about myself. I'm an idea generator, not a great implementer. I do good in short bursts, not long hauls. I love the creative process and I hate the tedium of production. I work well on my own and I don't like being in charge of other people.

So the plan is - there is no plan. I'm going to move all my stuff out of the cafe and put it in my basement where it's out of the way and I don't have to think about it for a while. I've toyed with the idea of doing a cupcake cookbook, but that's neither here nor there right now.

I follow a Christian entrepreneur named Sandi Krakowski on Facebook and she said something in a post one day that really struck a chord with me. It was something along the lines of

Improve what you already have, get better at doing the things you do best, take what works to a deeper level, go deep, not wide.

Deeper not wider. Deeper into my kids and my husband. Deeper into creating a home space we adore and works as hard as it can for the way we function in it. Deeper into the things that enrich my life the absolute most and make me a better person: music, reading, writing, friends, family and my pets (not necessarily in that order).

Go deep, not wide.

So while this is goodbye and thank you from Neher Confection it is most certainly not goodbye from me. I've got a whole lot of depth to explore and there's no telling what I might turn up along the way.

6 Community Service Ideas You Can Do With Your Young Kids

I admit it. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong and inadvertently raising selfish, self-centered, self-seeking, self-interested and any other negative self word you can think of, children. And while I somehow have this twisted sense of responsibility for their self-ness, like somehow it's all my fault, by doing to much of this or not doing enough of that, I have to halt my self-obsessing and remember that it really has less to do with me and more to do with the nature of the beast, Adam being the first. 

Since the beginning of time and in the most perfect location and circumstances imaginable, the human race been more concerned with their own agendas and desires above anything and everything else. So, I really shouldn't allow it to shake me down to rubble when my children fight with each other like the world revolves around them, because to their little original sin hard wiring, that certainly feels like a valid reality to them. But if the utter perfection of God's parenting skills didn't compensate for the me-me-me behavior in the guests of the garden then why in the world would I expect my feeble parental attempts would have any better influence on the little's residing under our roof. As this powerful revelatory truth begins to make it's way ever so sludgingly from my head to my heart, I must remember that I shouldn't mercilessly beat myself over the head when they attempt to beat each other over the head because if a perfect God was not enough then I most certainly won't be. I don't know about you but that makes me feel a million pounds lighter.

Not to say that I take any of this as license to sit back with a mug of coca in hand and leave them to their own devices either. I believe that parents have a responsibility to their children, society and our Maker to leave the next generation in better shape than we found ours. Not cattle or guilt prodding them into any preconceived molds or ideals, but gently nudging toward life paths of positive influence, community care and love of more than self, through the examples of our own day-timer and check book. There comes that million pound weight of responsibility on my shoulder's again, but thankfully I don't have to rely on my own "goodness" for inspiration.

As I was having my quiet time late last night...

(Rabbit trail alert - The proverbs 31 woman might have risen before dawn to spend time with God, but I ain't her and I'm quite sure God doesn't mind. That would be like my hubby saying "If you don't get up @ 5:30am and have breakfast with me every morning before you attend to anything else in your day then you obviously don't love me." See? Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Let's stop putting that shackle around our necks and beating ourselves up about it right now. As long as you TAKE time, God doesn't care WHAT time.)

...in front of the dwindling fire, I read Luke 14 and several things began to speak to me and spark in me at the same time. (I realize that what I'm about to share is not exactly the context of this portion of scripture, but this is the message that rang true and clear in my heart during this particular reading. I don't have a problem taking this meaning from this scripture because it agrees with the 2 greatest commandments God gave us: Love God & Love People - Matthew 22:36-40.)

vs 13 "But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. vs 14a And you will be blessed because they cannot repay you.

"Feast - Thanksgiving. Poor, maimed, lame, blind - those lacking what we have. They cannot repay you - selflessness, giving back, community service." said my brain. Recently my soul has been deeply drawing towards getting our kids involved in outreach and service on a real and close to home level.

vs 16b "A certain man gave a great supper and invited many. vs 17 and sent his servant at supper time to say to those who were invited, 'Come, for all things are now ready.' vs 18 But they all with one accord began to make excuses.

vs 18 Excuse #1= to busy with possessions

vs 19 Excuse #2 = to busy with work

vs 20 Excuse #3 = to busy with "my 4 and no more"

vs 21b Then the master of the house, being angry, said to his servant, 'Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in here the poor and the maimed and the lame and the blind. vs 22 And the servant said, 'Master, it is done as you commanded, and still there is room.'

"Still there is room - there's always a need for people to drop what they think is important and focus on what's really matters, making positive influence, community care and love of more than self a priority."

How could I be more proactive in instilling these values in my children while they're young, laying a solid foundation for a more-than-just-me-matters future? I went straight to my top 2 sources for what I want to know, Google and Facebook and began digging for ways my young children could begin experiencing the joy of helping others who can't repay you. Here's what I uncovered:

Helping Your Kids Give Back: Fun Holiday Service Projects for You and Your Family

Big Hearted Families

 These 2 sites had a lot of great ideas to springboard from.

 

Channel One Food Bank 

The kids and are I signed up for 3 Family Volunteer Days over the next 3 months (of course Matt can join us if he's not busy hunting food for our table).

 

Operation Christmas Child

We've done this one before and look forward to it every year. I thought we were going to get to do it with a homeschool group this year, but that fell through so we'll go ahead and do it on our own.

 

Meals On Wheels

I'm waiting to hear back from them about the ages of my children and if this is something they could participate in with me.

 

Interfaith Hospitality

A friend recommended this organization to me and I'm waiting to hear back from them as well.

 

Adopt a Soldier

Our family puts a big emphasis on showing our support for those present and past who fight for the freedoms we enjoy daily.

 

Random Acts of Kindness

I would love to throw a few of these in our daily doing a bout's as well!

 

Because the kids are so young I was feeling like we would be really limited on some of the things we could participate in, several places in need of volunteers have a minimum age requirement, but I feel like this list is a really good start. I'm not sure yet how often this new flavor of family time will be served, but I do know that I want to make it regular enough so it becomes a normal part of our lives and not just something we do once or twice a year when the turkeys and trees come out, because... still there is room.

If you have any other ideas for the younger age bracket please leave a comment. I would love to hear them!

The Great Balancing Act

Balance

equity, harmony, tension, equivalence, evenness, parity, proportion, stasis, symmetry

Has a more serene word ever been conceived in the cosmos than balance? From my daily grind laden consciousness, the answer is no. Even the sound of the word causes smooth muscle type, "deep breath" reactions in my physiology.

It is a slippery fish however, simple in theory yet tricky in execution. Simple as saying yes to the things that mean the most to you and no to everything that doesn't. Tricky as saying no to things you want in much the same equivalence as everything else your schedule and sanity doesn't have room for.

I have never been the most agile at walking that tight rope. My party-looking-for-a-place-to-happen nature tends to experience letting go as intense feelings of exclusion from unknown adventure, and sanguines LOVE a good adventure. Unless of course I really don't want to say yes in the first place, but feel I should because of an obligation to all creatures great and small, stemming from my protestant upbringing, resulting in nothing but copious amounts of guilt and 2nd guessing my decision to let go and say no. Such a happy little coin isn't it? Heads it's exclusion, tails it's feeling like one.

Enter conundrum. For the past year and a half I had been building my cupcake business with the intent of being a serious contender in the Rochester and surrounding areas within 3-5 years. Then my plans took a turn down the road less traveled when we decided that homeschooling would be the best option for our family right now. "Rock, Hard Place. Hard Place, Rock. Don't mind me as I stand firmly plastered between you." There was just no way I could run a business and educate my children at the same time. I needed to let go of one to say yes to the other. It SUCKED and felt like my chest was being ripped in two. Yes, I wanted a successful career I had built from the sweat of my oven mitts. Yes, I wanted to give my children the most personality tailored education I could, but I knew in my heart of hearts that these two dreams could not be brought to life simultaneously without sending me into the abyss of nervous breakdown. A journey I was not willing to take.

So, I began to let go. The cupcake business was intended as something for me to do while the kids were in school, and that was no longer a valid need. Letting go. What would I do with my recipes I'd worked so hard on? Perhaps I could do a cookbook someday. Letting go. Regretfully declining a regular baking gig because I don't have the energy or drive after housewife-ing and homeschooling to do much of anything but recoup and recharge for the next day. Letting go. I would still fill orders if they came in but would no longer be actively seeking to fill empty cake boxes. Letting go. Perhaps I could reopen my sweet dream as an empty nest pursuit, or maybe not. Letting go.

I don't think letting go is or ever will be easy for me. Whether I want to say yes, or really want to say no, I'm faced with an uncomfortable choice. But with each finger I reluctantly removed from my sugary strategy I felt an exponential lightening of gravity's force on my soul. Things felt more balanced. Things felt right again, comfortable and just right for me, like my favorite little black skirt or perfectly worn in hoodie with the ultra soft fleece inside. There will always be a give and take struggle to keep things in balance and even though my particular circus act is not in the center ring of the big top where all the top dogs perform, I no longer fear plummeting into the depths resulting from saying yes to the one final straw that ended it all.

Balance is a beautiful feeling.

The Letter O & a Science Day

#1 - Coloring in the letter of the day. I use these templates.

#2- A letter maze for upper and lower case recognition practice.

#3 - Tracing practice. I create one line with 5 capital letters and another line with 5 lower case letters from here. The bottom, empty portion of this page is used for our letter activity of the day.

(I print the letter maze and tracing activity on opposite sides of the same page to save a bit of paper.)

#4- A letter related activity or two. I try and do a paper/crafty activity as well as something for motor skills.

Octagon Octopus in the Ocean

#5- ABC journal. I look through our stack of magazines and pull out pages with letter of the day words and pictures on them. He cuts them out and glues them in his journal.  

The letter O, Ocean, Orange and Odor

He's such a perfectionist though and doesn't like this activity very well cause he can't "cut things out perfect", but scissor work is great for fine motor hand skills used for writing, so this activity remains.

#6 - ABC animal tracks.
Probably his most favorite, unless of course there's a food related activity which obviously trumps anything and everything else.

For O he learned about Opossum.

I thought I'd share the science project we did that day as well.

One of the two books we're using is titled Incredible Edible Science, and I decided to experiment our way through the five senses first, using mostly things we already have in the house. (I'm all about using what you've got on hand.) Our first project was using our sense of sight, or observation skills.

Step 1 - At the beginning of the school day, fill small jars to the tippy top with dried beans, then fill to the toppy tip with water and record your observations with words and/or drawings in your science journal.

At the end of the school day bring out the jars of legumes and observe the metamorphosis.

We were only focusing specifically on the sense of sight, but my enthusiastic scientists wanted to employ their sense of taste...

...and sense of touch as well. Who am I to squelch exploration enthusiasm?!

Bre's journal entry.

Wes' journal.

They can't wait for the next science day to come around, and are constantly trying to get me to spill the beans *hardy har har* about the next project on the roster, but I like to keep it a secret to heighten the excitement factor.

P.S.
Here's the next 5 chapters of The Tale of Jolly Robin comprehension questions and copywork.

The Letter A

Wes and I are 9 letters and 1 reading day into our Preschool/Kindergarten, homemade curriculum and we've been having a lot of fun working our way through the alphabet. We're not going through them alphabetically, but in a seemingly random order, equipping his reading ability, and consequently his feelings of success, as quickly as possible. We're following the lessons in Mc'Guffey's 1st Eclectic Primer (recommended from the Robinson Reading List). For each lesson there's a list of letters that need to be known in order to read the words of that particular lesson. We've been working through one letter per day with one day at the end to pull all the sounds together and do some definite reading. I taught a few kindergartners to read as part of my high school curriculum as a homeschooler myself, child development class I think, and I had forgotten how much I love the light and excitement on their little faces when they realize that they're actually doing the reading themselves. It's one of the best moments of a homeschooling parents job, for sure.

I use this chart to make sure I don't forget about any of the letters that make more than one sound.

We begin with the letter A.

#1 - Coloring in the letter of the day. I use these templates.

#2- A letter maze for upper and lower case recognition practice.

#3 - Tracing practice. I create one line with 5 capital letters and another line with 5 lower case letters from here. The bottom, empty portion of this page is used for our letter activity of the day.

(I print the letter maze and tracing activity on opposite sides of the same page to save a bit of paper.)

#4- A letter related activity or two. I try and do a paper/crafty activity as well as something for motor skills. For the letter A we did apple prints.

#5- ABC journal. I look through our stack of magazines and pull out pages with letter of the day words and pictures on them. He cuts them out and glues them in his journal.  
He's such a perfectionist though and doesn't like this activity very well cause he can't "cut things out perfect", but scissor work is great for fine motor hand skills used for writing, so this activity remains.

#6 - ABC animal tracks.
Probably his most favorite, unless of course there's a food related activity which obviously trumps anything and everything else.
For A he learned about Armadillo.  

Our School Day Schedule

Captain's log.

Stardate blah blah blah point something-or-other

We're 4 days into our homeschool journey and thus far everything's working pretty much like I expected. I'm REALLY enjoying sleeping in till 8, having a leisurely breakfast with the kids while I check emails and Facebook (it's the new morning paper you know), working on laundry, dishes, getting dinner in the crock pot, having a bit of time to read or write, making sure all our supplies are gathered in one place, having lunch and THEN launching into our schoolwork for the day. It only take us about 3 hours right now to get through our scholastic check list for the day. Here's what the line up looks like;

They each have a drawer with the needed supplies for the day.

After singing the National Anthem and saying a prayer together, they fill out their calendar and weather pages for the day.

This was our first day of school "time capsule". We'll repeat it next year to see how they changed.

Bre starts with Math (www.khanacademy.com & Life of Fred) while she listens to Mozart on itunes radio to block out distractions.

Wes and I work on the letter of the day with phonics, tracing, a project or two and his ABC journal.

When Bre is done with math, she reads out loud to me and then does her comprehension questions and copy work (The Tale of Jolly Robin).

While I'm listening to Bre read Wes does his ABC Animal Tracks power point I made for him (vidoes, sounds, pictures and skeletal structures). Bre loves to do this when all her other work is done as well.

Once they're done with their core subjects then we do an extra subject; 

Monday is bible (www.jellytelly.com)

Tuesday is Art (this month we're studying Henri Matisse)

Wednesday is Piano (John Thompson) and 

Thursday is Science (We're exploring our 5 senses right now)

Bre also practices piano every day for a short bit (5-10 minutes) once everything else has been completed.

They both look forward to art, science and animal tracks the most.

To help curb whining and complaining, they each start the day with some fruit jellies from Trader Joes in a small mason jar (I cut them in 1/4ths), the same amount as they have subjects for the day, and if after 1 warning a bad attitude is not corrected they loose a gummy. When we're all done for the day they get to eat whatever's left in their jar. This has worked really really well for them thus far. I usually only have to issue a warning because no one want to loose any of those yummy jellies.

To Much S***, Not Enough Shovels

All the best trip planning in the world can't prepare you for unexpected car troubles, and BOY oh boy, did we have a doozey...10 hours and 656 miles from home and husband...on Labor Day...when every car repair shop in town is closed.

 On the first day of our 2 day trip to TN I had noticed that if I needed to slow down below 60 mph the car had a REALLY hard time getting back up to speed again and once it hit 70 mph it would act normal again. I wondered if the car was going to puke out on me, but there wasn't much I could do about it, and it wasn't happening continually, so I hoped it was a fluke horsepower type thing and kept trucking to our hotel for that night.

We were through about 2 1/2 hours of the 2nd day with only 1 stop for gas and bladder relief, and I was feeling pretty good about the good time we were making. That's when the fecal matter began to forcefully contact the air redistribution device.

Turd #1 The air conditioning stopped working

Turd #2 I could no longer accelerate beyond 60 mph

Turd #3 I could no longer accelerate at all

Turd #4 I didn't make it all the way out of the turn lane at the end of the exit ramp before the car died completely

Turd #5 As we exited the car I smelled burning rubber

Turd #6  I had to embarrassingly walk into a busy KFC with my small dog under my arm so I could use the phone to call for a tow

Turd #7 The tow guy can't help me till I know where I want him to take the car

Turd #8 The ONLY car repair shop open on Labor Day won't even be able to look at the car till the next day

Turd #9 After deciding to leave the car till the morning (the KFC manager had called police dispatch, told them my situation and they had told her it was fine to leave it where it was) spend the night in the hotel next door and then have it towed the next morning when everything was open, we grabbed a bite to eat and saw a policeman an a tow truck next to our car about 50 yards away loading it up to take it away, with all our stuff still in it.

We had been eating outside on rough and prickly patch of grass since we had the dog, and couldn't eat inside, so I grabbed the dog, told Bre to grab my purse, left all our food on the ground and began running toward the car yelling and waving our arms.

Turd #10 As I was running to rescue our belongings I stepped squarely into a pile of what appeared to be a large pile of freshly dropped horse poop

Turd #11 As soon as we reached the car the officer treated me VERY harshly and rude, fussing at me for not pulling the car all the way out of the turn lane (like I had done it on purpose) and roughly stating that he had every right to have the car impounded but instead was going to have the tow truck pull it 10 yards to the right and I would most certainly have to pay the driver for that tow and then pay for a separate tow to a repair shop later.

I couldn't take it anymore and was reduced to a flood of unstoppable tears and almost unintelligible sobs of explanation, to which the kids quickly followed suit, thinking they were going to take all our things away...forever. At this unexpected display of raw emotion from a bedraggled, travel weary woman, her 2 children with mashed potatoes and gravy still on their mouths and their tiny dog, the officer AND the tow truck driver began attempting to console us with words of comfort and consolation. The tow truck driver offered to drive us to a hotel down the road from the car repair place, drop our things off and then take the car to the shop, only charging us for 1 tow.

As we walked away to go clean up our cut-to-short picnic, the officer called Wes back over and gave him a real Indiana State Police shoulder patch. I think he was trying to make sure the kids didn't walk away traumatized from their emotional encounter with the law. Wes asked me if I had any sewing stuff. I didn't.

When we arrived at the hotel the tow truck driver wasn't sure if they allowed pets or not so I put Jak in the car while we went in to register (at this point I couldn't have cared less about a pet friendly policy). I figured I could just keep him in his kennel once we were in the room and everything would be just fine.

Turd #12 As I went to get our things out of the car, on the back of the truck, I discovered that all the doors were locked, and the key was still in the ignition. Jak had stepped on the lock button while waiting for us to come back outside. I hadn't cracked the windows, but before I could fall apart again, the driver grabbed his lock bag and assured me he could get it unlocked, which he did.

Turd #13 As I was removing our things from the car, not knowing how long we would be staying, Bre's pencil box flipped out of my hand, and all the contents fell to the ground and rolled under the bed of the truck. With arms full, I muttered something under my breath, and when I came back out the driver was retrieving them for me

Turd #14 I had called Matt when the car had first broken down, but quickly realized that I did not have enough minutes on my prepaid cell phone to stay on the line while I worked out this mess, especially with roaming charges. Once at the hotel I could only text Matt to try and inform him of our situation because texts are so much cheaper. It is VERY difficult to relay such a story via text, especially when all your have is a querty keypad on your phone. So I wasn't even going to try.

Turd #15 Matt could not call me at the hotel because our prepaid long distance had run out and he nor I could remember out log in information to purchase more.

Turd #16 I could not get the wifi functioning in our hotel room so that Matt and I could at the very least chat with each other to work out the whole mess.

I finally gave up and used the room phone to make a long distance call home, not caring a single solitary second how much the Best Western would charge me for such a transaction. As I lay on the bed and attempted to relay all the information of the afternoon to Matt, I began sobbing once again, this time with total abandon, and it felt really good to let it out.

Turd #17 Wesley pushed the disconnect button in the middle of my call. I had to apologize to him later for yelling about it.

Once Matt got the full story he shifted into knight-in-shining-armor-mode, called my mother, the uhaul place down the road from our hotel, and worked out a plan to rescue his use-to-being-super-active-and-on-the-move family from sitting in a pool-less hotel for another day, possibly more. My Mom drove up to Clarksville with a Jeep. A uhaul tow hitch was rented, and the plan was decided; to haul Matt's car with us to TN where it could be repaired while we commenced with the purpose of this whole trip in the first place, visiting my family. Hopefully there are no more hiccups while executing Drive To TN and Back Again version 2.1.

I'm not a believer in the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy. Never have been, but it seems like it would be very convenient, comforting even, in a situation like this. Instead I usually find myself walking a "sometimes life is good and sometimes life is shitty and that's all there is to it" line of thought, and that pretty much accurately sums up how I feel about today's events. Today was pretty shitty, and that's all there is to it.

I'm very relieved that we didn't break down in the middle of nowhere. I'm very grateful to the gals at KFC who were so kind and helpful to us when we needed a phone, and to the tow truck driver who went above and beyond his job, on a holiday weekend even, to make this as easy as possible on me and my checkbook. And I'm especially happy that I got to have supper with a friend that only lives 30 minutes away from our sidelined local which was definitely a silver lining to this whole menacing and ugly, rain cloud over my head of a day.

This kids did really well, all things considering. 

 

They rode their bikes in the parking lot, got to watch as much tv as they wanted, jump on the beds, play rock games on the pavement, eat pizza @ 10:30pm,

 and share their very first Steak & Shake shake.

It's been one hell of a day, one that I don't hope to repeat...ever, but at least we could squeeze a little bit of fun and adventure out of it, together, and that's probably what matters most.

All 3 of my babies tucked in for the night after our harrowing day of adventure.

Fruit Anyone?

It's the stress. I know it is. I've been at this anxiety recovery thing long enough to recognize my triggers and this time, and many other times, it's definitely the stress.

Just pick one. Stress about my first road trip to TN with my kiddos. Stress about how I'm going to keep them busy while we're there. Stress about beginning our homeschool journey right after we get back. Stress about looking good enough to fit in with my group of gorgeous besties for a friends wedding. Stress about not being able to find time to go for a regular run. Stress about the weeds that have taken over my front landscaping. Stress about the random recycle box items all over our backyard from the last few "Mom, I have a great idea" episodes. Stress about the groceries that have been sitting on the counter since yesterday. Stress about the damn fruit flies in the kitchen that I can't get rid of. Stress about all the fodder that accumulates on the buffet in my dining room. Stress about the growing stack of receipts that's increasing on my desk. Stress about building the cupcake business. Stress about not building the cupcake business. Stress about fostering healthy independence in my kids. Stress about neglecting them. Stress about my stretchmarks. Stress about the spots on my skin that refuse to tan like the rest. Stress about my bikini line. Stress about my bust line. Stress about having so much stress. Have you ever had anxiety about having anxiety? 

Definitely not happy fun time.

 I wish I had it all. I do. And the problem is that I can't. Unfortunately, that little word doesn't prevent me from feverishly trying to eradicate the pesky letter t that continually results in my taking on feelings of "defeat." I'm a very driven person and usually that's quite a good thing...until it isn't, until your drive get's stuck in O and threatens to plummet you over the edge of an emotional precipice. I've had my toes shoved up to the ledge of that ride once before and it was not something I ever want to experience again.

As I crawled into bed the other night to read I opened a new book I had downloaded for free onto my Kindle titled "Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist: Learning to Be Free" and as I began reading I experienced one of those "breath from heaven" moments, where God reaches down with exactly what my blistered soul needs and whispers "I love you." The author spoke of her drive for perfection in all areas of her life as an addiction, an idol even, as powerful and destructive as cocaine or alcohol, and it felt like my life was being played back to me in an unfamiliar voice. One thing that has particularly stood out to me thus far was a bible verse that I'm not unfamiliar with, but have never viewed in this context before.

How beautiful on the mountains

are the feet of those who bring good news,

who proclaim peace,

who bring good tidings,

who proclaim salvation,

who say to Zion,

"Your God reigns!"

Isiah 52:7

The author follows this verse with the question "I wonder how different my life would be if the beauty of my feet were the priority of my life?"

What would happen to all my current stress points if I focused instead on the really important things, the things that actually matter, like the fruits of the spirit; 

love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control 

Galatians 5:22-23

I find it interesting when I read this account of better things to aim for because a few verses earlier it lays out several opposing responses to poorly directed focus, many of which have been major stumbling blocks for me the past few days.

¹⁶ But I say, live by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh has desires that are opposed to the Spirit, and the Spirit has desires that are opposed to the flesh, for these are in opposition to each other, so that you cannot do what you want. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, depravity, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, ²¹ envying, murder, drunkenness, carousing, and similar things.

Just this afternoon I needed to apologize to and ask forgiveness from my children for screaming at them, not even just raising my voice, but all out screaming at top volume (outburst of anger) about something fairly innocuous, and certainly non life threatening, because my emotions were stretched single ply thin over a totally unrelated selfish rivalry that had caused dissension, strife, jealousy and envy over a personal idol all of which had taken place within the confines of my right and left hemispheres.

Side note; 

Guys, please don't expect us to explain how to understand us because most of the time even we don't. It's sometimes very much like being locked in a freaky fun house where the evil reflection in the room of mirrors has the key to your deliverance trapped just behind the prism's surface beyond your reach.

I wonder what would happen, if love replaced travel worries, if joy replaced fashion woes, if peace replaced lawn inconveniences, if kindness replaced kitchen problems, if goodness replaced paperwork annoyance, if faithfulness replaced cupcake concerns, if gentleness replaced parenting distress, if self control replaced body image misgivings? I imagine at the very least I would be much more pleasant company to keep between my own 2 ears, which would increase the mutually pleasing interactions for everyone else I come into contact with on any given day. That sounds like an exponentially improved reality over the one I'm currently treading water in. So, to aid in my focal shift, here's my mission statement in the current tense;

I focus on what matters in the long run. 
I am truly present in my life. 
I have purpose not just direction.
I show kindness and love to myself inside and out.
I leave the people around me better than I found them.

The Dreaded Curriculum Question

"So, what are you using for curriculum?"

You hear that? It's the sound of 6 inch nails being mercilessly scraped down the length of a 40 ft, 1000 year old chalk board.
(Don't ask me why the chalkboard is 1000 years old. My imagination wanted it to be so and who am I to stand in the way of an ancient fictitious writing surface and it's elemental desires?)

 I know people mean well, I do, but I just can't stand that question right now. It makes me feel somehow challenged and undercut, like if I don't answer appropriately then I'm obviously not sufficiently equipped to teach my children. I'm not sure if there IS an appropriate way to satiate one's curiosity concerning this subject without arousing my defensive instincts. ... Nope can't think of any, but if something comes to me in my sleep I'll probably roll over intending to jot it in my bedside journal and then forget about it as I unsuccessfully muster the will to open my eyes, turn on the light, lift the pen, find a blank page, move the pen in synch with my sleep addled thoughts, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I wouldn't hold your breath for a speedy resolution on this one.

I have yet to figure out an answer to this curriculum inquiry that doesn't result in either blank stares of incomprehension from it's orator or lengthy opinions that I distinctly remember not asking for. Perhaps when I have a few years of homeschooling under my belt I won't be wound so tight about defending our decisions, but for now it is my reality, and the only thing I'm really interested in asking for is understanding.

 I've spent many many hours studying and praying about and talking through (Matt's such a trooper) the different curriculum and teaching styles, and I find it very challenging to explain in a short concise manner how I arrived at our current course of scholastic trajectory. So please excuse me if I appear to be dodging this particular question in polite conversation circles...because I am. It's easier that way, and right now anything that can be done easier will be done as such.

The best I can do for you, my blogging friends and family, is tell you that we are not using a specific curriculum, but are employing an eclectic mix of web and humor based math, classic literature based English and writing using comprehension and copywork tools, kitchen cabinet based science, the arts learned from various and sundry sources, and "let them be kids" Phy Ed. We plan on doing the basics every day; math, reading and writing, and once per week we'll do art, bible, music and science. I intend on keeping things as low key as possible because we want to continue fostering a love of learning and not a dread of useless and uninteresting information for testing purposes. Right now we're only planning on "doing schoolwork" 4 days a week, Monday - Thursday, year round, and I'm hoping to keep it at a maximum of 3 hours per day, very Charlotte Mason-esque, and yes I'm confident that this will be enough time for them to learn what they need to know for this year because so much more is understood and retained with one on one instruction vs a full classroom dynamic.

 If you know me much AT ALL it should really come as no surprise that I have,
a. decided to homeschool my children and
b. chosen to follow a more eclectic curriculum path.
Is anyone really all that surprised? I mean really? A crowd follower is one title that I don't believe I've ever been labeled with. Ever.

English is one thing that I am actually really really excited about because the kids will be working their way through the Robinson Curriculum reading list . After supper tonight I sat down with Bre's first book (after google came up with a big ol' goose egg on the topic) and began working on comprehension questions and copywork selections. Here's what it'll look like; she'll read 1 chapter per day and then demonstrate her grasp of the material by answering a few questions about the content. Then she'll practice writing, spelling and grammar by copying in her best work the selection of a couple pertinent sentences from the days story. The book she'll be starting out with is The Tale of Jolly Robin (it's FREE on Kindle), and I can't wait for her to read it! It's such a charming, delightful and well written story, and I know she'll really enjoy it. In this post I'm sharing the first 5 chapters of questions and copy work I did for this book in case anyone else is looking for something like this to go along with the Robinson Curriculum like I was. It's kind of a Robinson/Charlotte Mason curriculum mash up, and I hope to post more as I work my way through this entire book and the others to come, so stay tuned!

The Countdown

Today's post is brought to you today by the number 26 and the letters O.M.G.

 

There's only 26 more days till our "official" first day of homeschooling, and I gotta tell ya, reality, excitement, and a touch of panic now and again, is beginning to set in. I find it most helpful to the state of my mental health when I remind myself that I've been "teaching" my kiddos since the moment they exited my body; eating, sleeping, socializing, playing, talking, walking, feeding, pottying, dressing, cleaning, pet care, biking, manners, etc, and that this homeschool thing....is really no different. I know what Bre needs to learn for 2nd grade and we're just going to work our way down the list. I know what Wes needs to learn for P-K and we're just going to work our way down the list. If it's something I don't know how to do (Stephanie Neher, you are the next contestant on "Are you smarter than a 2nd grader?") I'll either figure it out, good ol' google and pintrest haven't failed me yet, or I'll find someone who does know and go from there. Easy peasy lemon squeezey, right?

It's a slap bracelet turned spectacles!

As I was contemplating what our typical school day schedule will look like, I decide to ask B how she might prefer to do it. I want her to feel like she's participating in her education and not just someone that school is being "done to". I asked if she would like to do our schoolwork in the morning after breakfast and then have free time after lunch OR have free time in the morning and do our schoolwork after lunch? She thoughtfully chose option B, and knowing what a magnanimously awful morning person I am, I'm quite ok with her choice. So, we're gonna give that a shot and see what happens. I figure, hey if it doesn't work we can always change it cause we're in charge of how this thing runs.

"There are zero elephants in my cereal bowl."

Our first Life of Fred math book arrived in the mail today and I was so excited to check it out that I read through half of it while I ate my lunch. It's really cute and had me giggling many times. I think Bre's really going to like it. Wes won't be ready for the math portion for another 2 years or so, but I think I'll have B read the story portion out loud to him because I know he'll enjoy them. Plus, it'll give her more reading practice. 2 birds, 1 stone, feathers everywhere baby!

"1 sock off and 1 sock on, diddle diddle dumpling my son John"

 

We also started our "first day of school" paper chain countdown this afternoon. It has become our preferred method of time keeping cause the kids can visually see the time passing as the chain gets shorter and shorter. I suppose we could x the days off on a calendar page as well, but it's just not nearly as much fun as wielding scissors and a stapler. Bre cut out the appropriate number of strips we needed. Then I had her write numbers on each strip starting at 27 and counting backwards so we could tell at a glance how many days are left without the need to count the remaining chains each and every time someone forgets, which is usually multiple. I threaded them together and Wes was the handsomest little stapler operator that you've ever clapped eyes on. Our paper creation is currently draped over the ceiling fan above our dining room table and after supper each night the kiddos will take turns cutting off a link and I'll keep a paper bag handy in case I need to put my head between my knees and breathe.

Our top 10 goals for homeschooling

"If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time."

Zig Ziglar 

I began to work on the schedule for our first home school year last week and in an effort to streamline our focus I decided to make a list of the top 10 results we hope to help our children achieve through this new adventure. We want to make sure we're launching them in a direction that parallels our parental goals and convictions for their lives, aiming at something so they'll be more likely to hit the mark.

Here they are in no particular order of importance;

#1. Strong verbal communication skills

#2. Strong sense of community involvement and responsibility

#3. The ability to learn through their own investigative powers

#4. Opportunities for liberal arts participation; music, dance, art, theater, etc

#5. Learning from living books not boring text

#6. Life skills evaluation of their knowledge retention and application

#7. Strong writing skills

#8. Discovering and investigating their inborn inclinations and curiosities

#9. Strong evaluation and decision making skills

#10. Exposure and opportunity to explore the sciences

Hopefully with these 10 core pillars in place it'll help us make solid decisions regarding curriculum content and what we commit our time to. ie I just came across a life applications math curriculum this evening that I'm considering using called Life of Fred that I feel will aid in #1 #3 #5 #6 #9 & #10. Now, we don't have a minimum # of "pillars fulfilled" requirement to be accepted into our repertoire, however it stands to reason that the more pillars we can employ in any given subject the more accurate our end game shot will become, and that.....is the whole point.